A Simple Survey - Volume 01 - A Simple Survey Read online

  “You mean the kind of contract where you sell your soul!?”

  “These contracts often get mistaken for such things. Honestly, you humans just get too scared. If we had not changed the format, we would have had serious problems with no interworld marriages.”

  I had a question.

  I blinked in confusion and just bluntly asked it.

  “…Why would it be a problem if you couldn’t marry humans?”

  “There is no real reason. If I had to give a reason, it would be that there are a lot of perverts in the other world. I believe the stories of Yuki Onnas wishing to marry humans are told in this country.”

  “So humans are popular?”

  “Very popular. The mermaid princess with a nice body and a clamshell bikini and the bow-using goddess of virgins are both firing beams of love toward humans.”

  “Gwooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!”

  …Why?

  Why didn’t I think harder before entering those conditions into that marriage counseling site!? Why did I not say anything about an older girl with huge breasts!?

  If I was ending up with a girl from a world of fantasy, I might have gotten a girl with breasts huger than you would ever see in reality!!

  Meanwhile, the regrettable flatness before me began waving her small hands around.

  “Now, time for the marriage. Let’s get married right now. We have both exchanged what we want from the contract and we know this will match both of our goals. That leaves nothing but to get married. You are the one that wanted marriage in the first place. There is no going back now.”

  “Marrying a little girl!? Right now!? Will the government even accept this? I’m afraid the police are going to show up to arrest me!! In fact, it might shoot all the way up to the Public Security Intelligence Agency!!”

  The little girl then thrust a piece of paper out toward me.

  “Tah dah! Ignoring causality, I already have a copy of the officially accepted marriage registration right here.”

  “Dammit, where did you get my seal!? Are you here in my apartment because you were searching through it!?”

  “You should have seen the look of wide-eyed surprise when the people at the government office checked the length of my telomeres and confirmed my age. Their eyes grew even wider when they realized I was 20,000 years old.”

  “Okay, I get it. A world of fantasy exists around you and you can twist and overturn the reality and common knowledge of this world…”

  Also, the earth did not yet have the technology to measure someone’s age using the lengths of telomeres…at least I didn’t think it did.

  Did this have to do with aliens and the Men in Black after all?

  I wasn’t going to end up living with some young wife who came from the Something-or-Other Galaxy to marry an earthling via a marriage counseling site, was I?

  “None of that matters, so let’s just get married!! Or rather, we already have! We’re married!! I guess this is what they call ex post facto approval!!”

  “…What next? Are we headed to Mars for a honeymoon?”

  “Ha ha ha. I have no high hopes. Hawaii is fine. Seven nights and nine days would be great. We can have a nice relaxing time.”

  By bringing it down to something partially realistic, my monthly salary suddenly became a giant wall in the way.

  “But first we need a wedding. Go buy me a ring. Given chronology issues, I will settle for not getting an engagement ring, but I will never stand down on my need for a wedding ring. I would like at least a 15 carat diamond.”

  “If you live in some fantasy world, why do you talk about nothing but money!?”

  When I thought about it, I realized you needed money for everything in RPGs as well, but she was being so harsh I thought I would cry tears of blood!

  But the elf put her hands on her hips and gave a small breath out of her nose.

  “I will pay for the trip, so at least show your value in buying a ring.”

  “Wait, where are you planning to have this wedding?”

  “In my kingdom of Alfheim of course.”

  She may have looked puzzled at my question, but that was quite the bombshell of an announcement!

  “…No matter how much I searched for that on internet map services, I don’t think I would ever find it!!”

  “Well of course you will not find it on maps that only cover this one planet. It is not just on another planet; it is in an entirely different world.”

  “Eh? Wait, so after this…”

  I, a salaryman, was glared at as if I was rather slow on the uptake.

  “You wished to marry the princess of an entire kingdom. Surely you did not think I would live in some apartment in this remote world. You will be joining my family.”

  “Waahhh!! Is my name going to end up as something incredibly international-sounding like Alfinbus Gorou!?”

  “If you understand, then let's head to Alfheim right away. Oh, right. It seems time and space work differently between here and there. There are rumors that going to the fairy kingdom makes you immortal or that, if you spend a day there and head back here, a hundred years will have passed. But don’t worry about it.”

  “So this is a Ryuuguu-Jou style trap!? Wait a second! You keep using sweet words like ‘marriage’, but is this what they call being spirited away!?”

  “You only fear it because your culture is so weak. Now, it is time to head to Alfheim, the kingdom of swords and magic!!”

  “I don’t want to go to a world that has no skill in giving a sales talk!!”

  Later, Alfinbus Gorou became famous for being history’s weakest king as he could use neither swords nor magic, but it is also said there were no wars during his reign.

  As they say…

  Words are the greatest miracle.

  File 03: By Any Means Necessary

  Sagittarius would be suitable for the job.

  The job was to get the meaning of the term Underclaw 52 out of Shiromae Ayumi.

  “…Do you want to leave?”

  “I do not know where this is. There is not a single window in here. If this is Antarctica, leaving would be a problem.”

  “We are nowhere as horrible as that.”

  “Can you really say that while you have me strapped into this chair?”

  “But these last few days have taught you that is as far as it will go. I cannot skin you using these metal tools lined up here. It is because you know that that you are calm enough to speak with me like this.”

  Shiromae Ayumi had a special condition that prevented her blood from clotting. Even a slight injury could become a fatal one.

  As such, they could not use normal methods of torture to get the information out of her.

  “Should you really be telling me that?”

  “I wanted to keep it hidden, but I’m sure you already knew.”

  “Suspicion and confirmation are two different things. Perhaps it was a mistake to admit it.”

  As one was the kidnapper and the other the kidnapped, they could hardly build a friendly relationship.

  He would make her despise him.

  And that would lead to carelessness that would loosen Shiromae Ayumi’s lips.

  And an expert like you would know best what comes after that.

  “Underclaw 52.”

  “You’ve asked me about that again and again. And I have told you everything I know. Which is that I know nothing about it.”

  “But in your chats with me you remembered the name of the pet dog you had long since forgotten.”

  “I doubt there is a connection.”

  “I don’t care what, just tell me everything you know. We will decide whether it is important and whether it is a lie. So just tell us everything. Everything.”

  “You seem troubled. I can smell the scent of someone in a stalemate.”

  “I hope you understand.”

  “Are you in a difficult position?”

  “If I fail, it will be me in that chair next. And unli
ke with you, they will not hold back against me. Also, I will not be released even if I tell them everything I know.”

  “I see…”

  “Now, let’s get back on track. Underclaw 52.”

  “Sorry, but I do not think I can give the answer you want.”

  The suspension bridge effect, Stockholm syndrome, Lima syndrome. Sagittarius built those special mental changes into his torture, so he should be able to do it.

  Without laying a finger on her, he could drag the information out of Shiromae Ayumi.

  “I cannot let you out of that chair, but I can get you some food if you have any requests.”

  “I would rather have a jug of water, so I can keep my throat from going dry.”

  “I will think about it, but I certainly cannot give you any container that could produce sharp fragments. I hope you do not mind if it is a water bottle.”

  “Is there any meaning behind the name Sagittarius?”

  “If there was, I would hardly let you know what it was. I sometimes take on names of birthstones and flowers as well.”

  “Why do you want to know about the term Underclaw 52?”

  “I would like to know just how much value there is in it. So what is Underclaw 52?”

  “I wish I knew. Then I could go home.”

  If Sagittarius failed, Scorpio would likely take over.

  I would be unable to stop it.

  Scorpio’s specialty was torture using drugs.

  He might be able to get the information, but Shiromae Ayumi’s body would not last. There was a good possibility of her dying before he got the information out of her. If possible, it would be best if Sagittarius got all the information on Underclaw 52.

  We only had a few days. Even I did not know the exact number.

  “Why do you think a simple high school girl would know this amazing secret?”

  “Is Underclaw 52 amazing? Is it a secret? Tell me everything you know.”

  “If you know so little, how would you be able to know if I was telling the truth? What if I told you Underclaw 52 was a delicious neighborhood bakery?”

  “Aquarius is in charge of determining the veracity of the information, not me. So are you saying Underclaw 52 is a delicious neighborhood bakery?”

  “This is a strange feeling.”

  “What is?”

  “I cannot tell what you are after. It almost seems like you are simply trying to kill time with me in here.”

  “I want to get to know you better.”

  “For your job?”

  “There is one thing I am curious about.”

  “(…Why are leaning in toward my ear like this?)”

  “(…Because I do not want the people monitoring this to hear.)”

  “(…I see. So you want to trick me into thinking you are on my side.)”

  “(…Do you even know what this Underclaw 52 is?)”

  When Sagittarius left the room, he had arrived at an answer.

  He entered a different room that monitored the first room with high resolution cameras to determine the movements of facial muscles, levels of perspiration, and other such things. Once inside, he unhesitatingly pulled his handgun on his colleague.

  “…What are you doing?”

  “Shiromae Ayumi knows about Underclaw 52.”

  “And it is your job to get information on it out of her.”

  “Yes, and I would like to eliminate anyone who gets in my way. Your goal is not to learn about Underclaw 52. You want to intentionally make me fail so you can put Scorpio in charge, don’t you? That way, Scorpio’s harsh torture will permanently seal Shiromae Ayumi’s mouth.”

  “You fell for it?”

  “For what?”

  “The suspension bridge effect, Stockholm syndrome, and Lima syndrome you use create temporary illusions of a bond between perpetrator and victim. That is not a one way street. I am saying that you-”

  “Using words as weapons is my job.”

  “You have fallen for it. You fell for Shiromae Ayumi’s trick!! It is not too late. Put down that gun. The person asking the questions in the conversation was reversed at some point. That is proof that you were falling into Shiromae Ayumi’s trap!!”

  “If you are telling the truth, then I should be able to find the truth by getting you to speak.”

  Now.

  Who lies on the side of truth?

  File 04: Ninja Art – Sleep Diver Technique ©

  In the end, it was a war of technology.

  “K-Kunoichi-chan? I don’t think you can fly through the sky just with your arms and legs tied to a giant kite.”

  “Don’t worry. It’ll be okay, old man! Look at this Iga Ninja Art – Free Flight...dbrblcher!?”

  It was all given names like “ninja art” or “ninja technique”, but a ninja’s power really came from technology. That went for the shape and materials of a shuriken and the throwing form and training methods for the one throwing the shuriken.

  It was made to look like a miracle or some secret art.

  A ninja’s status was directly connected to his ability to reproduce such things with manmade tools.

  “Dammit, it didn’t work…”

  “If you can fall from a height like that and suffer nothing worse than some scratches and a panty shot, I’d say your safety techniques are what we should be adopting.”

  “Old man, don’t you have some kind of interesting ninja art? The Kouga announced on the internet that they’ve implemented a cloning technique.”

  “I’m willing to bet the information on their official site is full of exaggerations. That said, their metamaterial technology is quite something.”

  I tried to get her to leave with that noncommittal response, but Kunoichi-chan stuck with me. She must have been starving for something exciting. There was nothing better for the health of my eyes than the way various parts of her were jiggling.

  “I saw that! That’s the thing that bends laser weapons all over the place, right!? The upper level Kouga ninja really are flashy, aren’t they!?”

  “I say techniques that show off like a bird in a singing competition go against the entire purpose of a ninja.”

  “Old man, enough with these boring things like optimizing the shape of the shuriken. Can’t you make something with a little more oomph to it? Oomph!!”

  “Well, I guess I do have something like that.”

  “Really!?”

  “It’s just a prototype though. Here it is! Ninja Art – Sleep Diver Technique!!”

  “Throwing English into the name from the very beginning, I see!!”

  What I pulled out of the storage shed was a piece of equipment that looked like a wetsuit used in scuba diving. The inside was covered in electrodes.

  Kunoichi-chan sat on the ground cross-legged with a disappointed look in her eyes.

  “That looks really boring.”

  “Even if I told you it artificially created an out-of-body experience?”

  “What!?”

  “First, the amplitude of your brain waves is brought to a certain value using your body’s natural electricity. Then a large wave is forced in from outside. When that wave slams into them, your brain waves lose their place and end up leaving your body.”

  “Oh, oh! A-and!? Old man, what happens in this out-of-body experience!? Can you cause supernatural phenomena that exceed the limits of your physical body!? Do you make a ‘dorororon’ sound effect!?”

  “No, it isn’t anything as exciting as that.”

  “…Oh, then we’re back to boring. Can it actually even cause an out-of-body experience?”

  “By the way, Kunoichi-chan, did the bath seem a bit chilly last night?”

  “It’s the middle of summer. Of course not.”

  “Then my experiment was a success.”

  “Old man!! Did you use your research money to create a tool for peeking!?”

  “But performing intelligence work without being noticed is part of being a ninja…bchgrgalgal!?”

&nbs
p; It was then that an email arrived at both my and Kunoichi-chan’s smart phones simultaneously. Everyone in the village had likely received one. It was an emergency email reporting an intruder. We did not simply have a siren go off because that would notify the intruder that they had been caught.

  “They’re here, old man! It’s the Kouga!!”

  “But I thought the village was surrounded by multiple light wave sensors?”

  “It’s that clone technique that’s gotten popular lately. The metamaterial at the base can bend laser weapons, so they can probably get past the sensors!”

  As Kunoichi-chan charged toward where the intruder was detected, she seemed in an oddly good mood. There was no real reason for me to go as well, but Kunoichi-chan would likely hit me later if I slacked off.

  We ran into a Kouga ninja girl in a thick part of the forest around the perimeter of the village. I will refer to her as “ninja girl” so as not to confuse her with Kunoichi-chan.

  “Wh-what!? It looks like some girl with huge breasts is naked other than a translucent raincoat!! Is this a secret Kouga weapon!? M-my blood pressuuuuuurrrreeeeee!!”

  I grabbed my nose and leaned up against a nearby tree and the ninja girl shouted at me with her face beat red.

  “This isn’t some Ninja Art – Blood Pressure Raising Technique!! The sunburning effect of artificial ultraviolet rays burned the metamaterial refracting surface!! Waahhhn!!”

  “…C-come to think of it, those things that bent laser weapons were one-time-use kinds of things.”

  “Old man, I remote hacked into her tablet and checked her secret scrolls. This bitch was trying to destroy the Ninja Art – Sleep Diver Technique!!”

  “We are trying to develop the same technique in the Kouga village, but this Iga old man’s development speed was just too fast. At the press release during the last Ninja Technique Weapons Show, the Kouga developers were blown away.”

  Well, the point of those weapons shows was to hold business negotiations and to apply pressure to the enemy. After that thought, I realized something.

  “Mh!? Come to think of it, the Kouga were using that shuriken I developed!!”